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This story is from brave Lucy, who wanted to share her story about her experience of having a difficult birth with her baby and how it impacted her emotional wellbeing.

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Almost 4 years ago, normal pregnancy with my second daughter (6 year gap), I cant remember all that happened, but this is my story.

I went in to Labour naturally a day before my due date. I tried to do it with just gas and air all was going good after about 8/10hrs.

I felt the need to push, but I was getting no where. They were concerned about my baby’s heart rate so they put me on a monitor, then I think a midwife broke my waters for me. I then said if this is going to take forever then I need an epidural! !! Thank god I did. Pushing for what seemed like an age they couldn’t understand why she wasn’t coming, they then called for the consultant as my baby’s heart rate dropped, the midwife looked right at me and said very sternly “push you need to push and get her out.”

I was scared to death. I was vomiting and not really with it. I can remember them asking each other about theatre and if one was free, but I never ended up there. The consultant did an episiotomy then saw my baby had the cord wrapped round her neck. I actually vividly remember him shout -cord, 1,2,3times wrapped!  This is  why her heart rate would drop with every push and that she wasn’t coming down.

It was all so panicked and rushed, so many people in my room. He then had to use forceps and for want of a better word ‘yank’ her out of me. I couldn’t hold her they just showed her quickly to me and rushed her over to 2 doctors waiting for her. I just remember saying -quick, quick- as in take her to the waiting doctors… No baby cry, just silence as I keep asking my husband is she ok? What’s wrong? Quick, quick! Thank fully she finally cried. (I’ve learnt from my husband since that she didn’t breath for a very long time) thankfully she was perfect.

I was stitched up by the consultant, washed and wheeled back up to the ward. I was in total shock and complete agony. The midwife on the ward checked my wound once and I winced when she told me Id torn badly as well as the episiotomy, and that I was black and blue everywhere down there. I was also told I had lost a lot of blood and was very anaemic but I was just above needing a transfusion so I was told to take the tablets they gave and I would be fine. And that was it. I wasn’t checked again or asked how I was. Nothing….I was discharged 2 days later.

I felt horrendous. The public health nurse came round a day or 2 later, she didn’t check me or ask anything about me. I couldn’t sit down stand go to the loo it was horrendous. I then started to feel shaky and sweaty and I was concerned about my wounds. I rang the hospital and spoke to a midwife who told me there was no check-ups at the hospital only A&E for emergencies, so thought Id best go to my GP. (this was paid for myself )

I’ll never forget my GPs face after he had examined me. He just put a hand on my shoulder and said -don’t worry we’ll fix you. Everything was infected,  I was on a lot of antibiotics for a long time. Recovery took a long long time. (I’m still not 100% down there I don’t think)

I attended every appointment with the public health nurse with my baby and no one ever asked about me or how I was until I took her for her 3-4 year check a week ago. This lovely nurse looked right at me and asked, “and how are you”, well I burst out crying and told her the whole story (even now as I write this I’m in a mess). I said to her that she was the first person in almost 4 years to ask me that. She then went on to tell me there was counselling available that I should have had years ago and that it sounded like I had had PTSD & PND. I never knew anything about it. I can’t deliver any more children naturally now. I would have to have a c-section if I did, but there is no way I could mentally cope with another delivery & Newborn baby. I think I’m at the top of what I call “the hill” and that I’m looking down now and things are so much better.

I hope my story will give others help.

Thank you
Lucy.

No one ever asked about me.