These are the amazing words written that show the reality of Birth Trauma and PTSD
on daily life.
Such a brave mum to share her inner most thoughts and fears.
If you too want to share your experience of birth trauma or PTSD please contact us.
You wake up and sadness creeps in to the depths of your soul like a weighty bear snare tearing at your flesh.
Uncontrollable tears running down your face. You can’t stop crying, even when there appears to be no reason to be crying.
Sitting against the bedroom door you’re afraid to go into the nursery. Baby has slept in and all is quiet.
You’re not sure what you’re going to find but you can only imagine the worst.
Then you hear a gentle sigh and you feel momentary relief. Baby’s ok!
But now the day has to start.
You reach for the smiling mask that you’ve skilfully applied for the last few months and it fits awkwardly.
Time moves slowly and quickly all at once. You want the day to be over but equally you don’t want tomorrow to come.
You feel hopeless.
You feel weak and defective, like a failure, then respite comes.
You feel nothing but it’s not peace you feel, it’s an emptiness and numbness like you’ve never felt before.
You are afraid that this is your new reality, that this is your new skin.
You have a constant noise in your head like an intense rush hour traffic of white noise, fuzz and fog.
You recognise that you’re now aware that you have reached the point you can’t carry on, that people sometimes don’t carry on.
You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you.
Or that your baby will be taken away.
You go to sleep not knowing if rest will come tonight and not because you have a young baby.
You wake up and sadness creeps into the depths of your soul….